Maybe the best way to visualize my SHTF moment during my two week+ trip is to imagine that your sleeping and you think your a relatively normal person trying to become 'awake'. You don't do what is advised by someone more experienced and instead you tap into something pretty perverse and destructive in the universe.

You begin to percieve yourself writing a book. Not just any book, this is 'The Book' as far as your specific energy signature is concerned and what ever is written in this book happens to the people inside it. Up to this moment you in your specific incarnation is the only one who has written in this book. Of course, this is your book.
Now imagine that one of the characters in the story you are writing for your life in your book does something unthinkable and somehow even if just slightly convinces the writer (you) that you are something you are not. Imagine that while writing a story, one of your characters hijack your own consciousness and body etc.

Now all of the thoughts you have are being 'shared' with this trickster type entity with the goal and intent of severing and dividing what ever 'you' really is as much as possible. It tries to take your 'book' and write its own story but you try to stop this 'ego'/character from doing more damage so you kill yourself on this high density level and someone else finds the book but guess what this infectious energy has hijacked this other person too and they start writing in the book again as the parasite that drove the original writer to kill themselves.

Rinse and repeat a few times and this energy is searching for your other incarnations/stories where you exist in order to kill them and any version of 'you' that may exist.

Now the tapestry of the universe (yours specifically) is so fucked up, there are papers everywhere and this 'ego'/parasite is trying to spread itself to the other characters to get them to kill themselves.
Literally, the best advice for this appears to be to just 'stop' and go live a mundane life. Even with that you still hear the voices of the characters trying to hijack your book and energy and the more you slightly focus on them the more you are recorded and plagued by 'demons'.

Without giving more than I may this is probably the best way I can describe what happened to me. Without complaining more than I may have already this is what I can describe and it really sucks.

Your afterglow is blinding you, your experience is bottle necked by you being human, every thing you're saying is shit i thought of in my first or second try of shrooms. You still have responsibilities here on Earth ya know. Reading your trip-diary makes me cringe at myself how i used to think. Fuck man i hope this is the last time you try doing this.

You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login

You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login

Out of all the threads to compell me into furthering my Astral projection practices I didn't think it'd be one like this. Sober mind you, using ophiels techniques.

Might want to start with lucid dreaming first.

That seems like solid advice. I used to lucid dream frequently. And just managed to kick all my habits that inhibit rem sleep. So now would be the perfect time. Thanks

Out of curiosity what did you find that was inhibitory to REM and what did you do to kick it?

Sometimes I wonder if my access to other realms/worlds/dimensions is sealed off because like TW I am prone to "fuck it" moments of irresponsible exploration also.

Only you would know that.

In my dreams and practices I saw that the 'gods' (to put it simply) love the high ground but all the forces that exist fight over the 'right' to have a physical vessel tuned into 'earth' and have a pawn in this interesting game.

I saw that I on some layer was just chasing in the 'astral' or 'ethereal realm' what I bartered for originally to gain this 'magical insight'. I look around and I see I'm not even happy but that isn't something to strive for in and of itself.

With the knowledge I have gained from all this, I think I'll be able to be happier and more prosperous in the long run than if I just lived a normie life from start to finish but as Nick said before, magic comes from pain (if I remember correctly, definitely a paraphrase).

I may have set my sights too high to start as some of my posts might indicate but I also don't think I would have made the progress I view myself as having in this area if I didn't. On one layer I knew what I was getting myself into until of course I actually got into it, I was in for a world that was more ruthless, serious and unforgiving than I had originally thought.

I'm frequently asked why do I continue this 'magic path' if it doesn't make me happy and my answer up to now is that I must know 'the truth' what ever that may be and I gave up a lot to gain just a glimpse into it.

I can see the wealth and joy in living a 'normal life' now and having a healthy family. Not some fucking perverse Jewish creation that Hollywood may sell but I also see why people would go for that as well.
It's a choice you have to make and that choice should be in line with what your overall goals are in general. Your goals for this incarnation is not often something you carried over from 'older' ones but it is possible you have a goal that stretches across incarnations.

It's all about having to make a decision and what you are willing to give up in order to live and achieve what you want not only for just yourself but also for others, especially if you want to guide others to a more positive path.
When you find yourself waking up in a house that is deeply rooted in the city of the most vile and perverse devil and you want to influence others for one reason or another, you have to play along to a certain extent.

While in Rome do as the Romans do but keep in mind that your not really a Roman, what ever that may be. Or maybe you are. That is something for you to decide.

The life we live now, this 'wnespicsefomunah' may be a cosmic joke that is but a chapter in the Divine Comedy but its a joke that I want to partake in now on some level. Ignorance is bliss but I don't wish to return to it. Instead I wish to find some new form of joy and pleasure in what is perceived as the mundane and enjoy being lucid in this very unforgiving dream.

While you are cruising through hell and you see something despicable, you might have to be even more of this abhorrent creature in order to compete on its level, especially if they have the advantage of playing in their home court.

In the end, always remember that its just a ride. While that may be, the ride never ends but you can certainly get off it but while that appears to be something worth doing at some point, you may find that you wish to continue this ride through hell for one reason or another.
Its something special to be able to compete in the greatest of all games even if that is to just have a shot of living a normal life with a wife and children. There is something attractive in just that much as well as enlightenment and ascending.

Decisions, decisions. . .

I find these posts of mine in this thread to be more reflective on my foolish travels. I figured I might as well share my insights with what I consider family at this point in more ways than I can communicate as of just text on a screen.
There may be some ego in the creation of these but I get something out of the hindsight view of my actions. Maybe whom ever reads this might as well.

Been thinking about what I got myself into and how schizophrenic it sounds. I then was reminded somehow of the difference between schizos and wizards.

The main difference between them appears to be not only knowledge and understanding of what your are 'hearing' or experiencing in general but also a great amount of control. Schizos lack grounding, control and understanding of whats going on while the wizards have all that.

It's a fine line.
If you haven't yet. Get out in nature for a bit.

The universe is cruel and unforgiving and yet it offers everything and anything you can possibly imagine in any arrangement or assortment possible to you only if you are willing to travel the distance and pay the price needed to grasp it.

The price of reaching out from the formless dark to perceive grasp the Fire with your immortal hand and eye? Existing.

The truth of the cube of Saturn that made the majority of people who searched for it completely 'miss' it and the few who found it go schizo is that your imagination is a double edged sword and if you have a poor understanding of how it works and the universe as well, you are probably entering a room full of swords where every move you take will cut you and the more you move the more you get injured and the more you breath the more you become sick because the 'air' itself is poison.

The universe will kick you down on your ass until you figure it out. Not even ignorance can be bliss in such a state because even while your ignorant you are not living to your fullest potential or even the way you want to. You aren't living for 'you' you are living for. . . something? Morals? Ideals? I don't know but you sure do.
What is your potential? I don't know, ask yourself and start the journey to find out.

People are so pathetic sometimes. We are literally gods in cocoons and yet we create these 'godly' figures to assist us when we need to. Creator entered its own creation and while it was trying to remember its own limitless eternal power it created countless deities to help it.
All of the while in every subtle and obvious way they all remind you that you are in control. You go to them to be blessed and you lessen your own power.

If the only thing you learn on your wild ride is that you must take responsibility for everything you do and think then it was worth it. What do you do when you take full accountability for your actions and stop seeking supermen and heroes to save you? Well, you become your own hero. You become your own god. You become your own master of your own universe.

And if you can't take it anymore and just think the ride is so unbearable then you can zoom out and stop writing that story, close the book and push it to the side. Reflect on the story you made for yourself and move on to something else. Be something else but just do this one thing and be something.
Anything you want really. Have the light of creation and imagination, the will, strength to create your own character and do as you will. This is your life and you should live it.

You bought the ticket and paid the price to be here so why not live it as you will to the fullest extent possible? What is that extent? Only you can decide for yourself.
It's just a ride and while you push aside and lock away the horrific things you have experienced in other stories, in other worlds and universes, it never really happened. Did it really happen? Maybe it did. Do you remember it happening? Did you imagine it happened? Six one way half a dozen another.

You are The Rebel. You are the one that defied the 'natural order' of the formless darkness and dared to be something. And because you dared to be something against the order of naturally dark beings, you become their antithesis and become their ruler and the master of this new world of light. You are The Dayman. You are everything and yet you are still nothing.
When you are tired of being Nemo then you will rebel and become Omen and create the future which doesn't even exist. Everything that is experienced is experienced now.
There is no Lucifer, there is no Satan, there is no Saturn there are no gods and no heroes or demons or angels. Just one being having a very fucking strange trip from many different perspectives.

The eternal phoenix that dies and is born into something new, both the new phoenix and the old one still exist. How many times can something die and be reborn into something beautiful like a phoenix can? Well, that depends on how willing they are to continue to exist. When you are tired of existing and being then you can exit reality and return to just pure energy.
Now you can experience everything and anything, be everywhere yet nowhere. Oh, but what is this feeling. . . thinking? Oops, now I exist again. Looks like the ride continues.

No one is innocent. Everyone gets what they deserve

If that is the case then someone without memories who walks into a hazardous place full of danger and gets fucked is asking for it or maybe they had it coming. If someone is born into a questionable situation with torturers then that may be how the universe equalizes things. If they still chose their incarnation then the implication would appear that they chose that route to balance things out.

But as we have discussed before, there are interesting ways around this 'negative karmic debt' that can be utilized as well. As you have mentioned before it is possible to break all the rules and walk out of this life clean and maybe even debt free.