Interesting dream, was reading a luciferian book, seemed quite ''devilish''.. I got to see around 6 pages until the phone rang IRL. Those pages consisted of drawings, 2 drawings each page. First there were hexagrams in the colours of eastern star order. Then six pointed squares and different triangles...
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Color? Context?

I got 500 patches of LSD and 250 grams of S-isomer ketamine. The strength of the LSD is either 180 or 300 micrograms. The ketamine is said to be 83.97% pure. I have no reason to doubt any of this information, even though according to others the ketamine is probably “diluted”. Whether this is the case or whether I have only been exposed to an extreme build-up of tolerance, I do not know.

Since it will be a lonely Christmas anyway, having a little ketamine seems like a grand idea. I take a few bumps, but quickly go over to injecting IV. Now things are going very fast and I only have a few memories from the next 11 days. I have memories that my body is so tired that I bleed nosebleeds that won’t stop. I have memories of a trip to the store. Furthermore, that I take one, then three hits of LSD and then that I sit and tear off large flakes from the blotter sheet that I stuff in my face and swallow with apple juice. In addition to this I try to eat a surgical mask that I think has ketamine on it and then I scrape the living room table with a credit card to get the absolute last of the 250 grams of ketamine.

I wake up at the emergency room 2 weeks later. I’m sitting here with a good hearted nurse looking at my arm where I have a large wound that I can not explain. From there, it gradually dawns on me how far down I have been. After the emergency room, it will be another Hospital


Results
This is almost difficult to describe without seeming completely crazy, but in short:

I have lost the ability to feel anxiety and shame. Anxiety and shame are largely two sides of the same coin. What I have been afraid of is that people will find out that I have ended up where I have. Because I'm ashamed of that. When I can no longer be ashamed, I have nothing to worry about. If shame and anxiety are not two sides of the same coin, then at least anxiety and depression are. So now I'm definitely not depressed anymore. I really just walk around and smile and look at people and things and seaweed and dance on the bus and in the streets.

Being anxiety free means that I have to concentrate on not just stepping out right in front of traffic, which has gone well so far. A little tiresome maybe, but in return I'm not afraid of ANYTHING in the whole world. Not to die and not even the fact that the police comes and kicks down my door and says that I have to go to prison for 21 years because of all the drugs. Everything has its benefits is my attitude to it. Think how many books I could read and think how much you have to look forward to the day you release. When you are not afraid of death or the police, you are fine.

I've lost all the crap. This is probably related to the fact that I now have a good life. Sure, I've had a lot of fun on drugs, but nothing tempts more than just being present here and now.

I have lost the ability to feel jealousy / envy. This I have been bothered with a lot. Now I just think "so good for you" if someone has a nice car, boat to 12 million, unbelievably nice lady or cool job. Jealousy / envy is really brain-slag, so this is wonderful to get rid of.

As if this was not "nuts" enough:

I can rewind in my memory and relive things. Not only remember things well, but really sense things like a particularly memorable intercourse, my first BASE jump or anything I’ve experienced.

The craziest thing is that I can meditate to become different things. The other day I was a landslide, a snow crystal, a glacier and 2 billion liters of water. When I got tired after being 2 billion effervescent liters of water, I decided to be a rye seed in the seed vault on Svalbard. Then I slept well. Exactly these last two qualities I can probably keep to myself. Answering “I’ve been lying here and been a squirrel for an hour" when the doctors ask what I have done since I got up is typically something that allows you to end up in hospital - type psychiatric - more or less voluntarily. So the last two characteristics remain our secret.

An old acquaintance just shared this with me. He just got out of hospital. Will be interesting to see if he stays in this way or if it fades. Also wondering what Nick's gonna say regarding his advice to stay away from ketamine as it can sever the silver string.

Quote

I got 500 patches of LSD and 250 grams of S-isomer ketamine. The strength of the LSD is either 180 or 300 micrograms. The ketamine is said to be 83.97% pure. I have no reason to doubt any of this information, even though according to others the ketamine is probably “diluted”. Whether this is the case or whether I have only been exposed to an extreme build-up of tolerance, I do not know.

Since it will be a lonely Christmas anyway, having a little ketamine seems like a grand idea. I take a few bumps, but quickly go over to injecting IV. Now things are going very fast and I only have a few memories from the next 11 days. I have memories that my body is so tired that I bleed nosebleeds that won’t stop. I have memories of a trip to the store. Furthermore, that I take one, then three hits of LSD and then that I sit and tear off large flakes from the blotter sheet that I stuff in my face and swallow with apple juice. In addition to this I try to eat a surgical mask that I think has ketamine on it and then I scrape the living room table with a credit card to get the absolute last of the 250 grams of ketamine.

I wake up at the emergency room 2 weeks later. I’m sitting here with a good hearted nurse looking at my arm where I have a large wound that I can not explain. From there, it gradually dawns on me how far down I have been. After the emergency room, it will be another Hospital


Results
This is almost difficult to describe without seeming completely crazy, but in short:

I have lost the ability to feel anxiety and shame. Anxiety and shame are largely two sides of the same coin. What I have been afraid of is that people will find out that I have ended up where I have. Because I'm ashamed of that. When I can no longer be ashamed, I have nothing to worry about. If shame and anxiety are not two sides of the same coin, then at least anxiety and depression are. So now I'm definitely not depressed anymore. I really just walk around and smile and look at people and things and seaweed and dance on the bus and in the streets.

Being anxiety free means that I have to concentrate on not just stepping out right in front of traffic, which has gone well so far. A little tiresome maybe, but in return I'm not afraid of ANYTHING in the whole world. Not to die and not even the fact that the police comes and kicks down my door and says that I have to go to prison for 21 years because of all the drugs. Everything has its benefits is my attitude to it. Think how many books I could read and think how much you have to look forward to the day you release. When you are not afraid of death or the police, you are fine.

I've lost all the crap. This is probably related to the fact that I now have a good life. Sure, I've had a lot of fun on drugs, but nothing tempts more than just being present here and now.

I have lost the ability to feel jealousy / envy. This I have been bothered with a lot. Now I just think "so good for you" if someone has a nice car, boat to 12 million, unbelievably nice lady or cool job. Jealousy / envy is really brain-slag, so this is wonderful to get rid of.

As if this was not "nuts" enough:

I can rewind in my memory and relive things. Not only remember things well, but really sense things like a particularly memorable intercourse, my first BASE jump or anything I’ve experienced.

The craziest thing is that I can meditate to become different things. The other day I was a landslide, a snow crystal, a glacier and 2 billion liters of water. When I got tired after being 2 billion effervescent liters of water, I decided to be a rye seed in the seed vault on Svalbard. Then I slept well. Exactly these last two qualities I can probably keep to myself. Answering “I’ve been lying here and been a squirrel for an hour" when the doctors ask what I have done since I got up is typically something that allows you to end up in hospital - type psychiatric - more or less voluntarily. So the last two characteristics remain our secret.