A bit of a somber note this Wednesday morning this foul year of the lord, 2021.
I have had one crazy week. A seven day rollercoaster, that has tested all my resolves.
I keep having glimpses of past, present and future events. Events that I realize now stem from who I was, to who I am now and who I am yet to be.
If all this sounds nuts and these words mean nothing to you, I apologize in advance. Just know, no matter how big or small your part in this place is, I remain grateful to have stumbled across these shores. There is a part of me that has become worried. It is incredibly difficult to put this into proper words but I shall attempt it regardless.
I feel an unprecedented sense of urgency. Like I am running out time. When this first started I was flabbergasted and confused.
I have been out of work since Christmas and there is absolutely nothing going on that would explain the cause of this.
I then began a soul search of sorts last week, about the same time I posted my thread on industrial sorcery. Whether this is coincidence i leave up to you to decide.
When this all started, i somehow knew that the answer to all of this was right behind me. Allow me to illustrate.
What you see there is the top of my bookshelf, literally right behind me when i sit at the computer talking to you fine souls.
I knew, deep down, that the answer to my conundrum was right in front of me. I just knew, do not ask me how. I do not know why.
I have read all of these books. Some of them multiple times. So I sat in my chair and just stared at the shelf.
I'm glad that my wife was working, leaving me alone at home and her none the wiser to my plight. That last one I am thankful for.
The last thing I want in these uncertain times, is for her to doubt what little sanity I still command.
So I sat here, for hours, just staring at these books. Never picking up even one i went over their contents in my head over and over again.
This is where I sat until she came home. At every single opportunity I thought about these books. I dreamt about them. All my thought was bent to this, even as I was lost in space and time during sleep throughout the week. I strongly began to fear that I was loosing it. That my long time of not working and impeding financial ruin was driving me over the edge.
I almost believed it too. Almost.
Good thing that feeling came and went. It was a close call.
That is also when I understood. A theoretic framework of sorts began to form in my mind. I have never told anyone about this. Those amongst you that have some level of occult understanding can perhaps understand why some things are not meant for those people immediately around us. I will try my best to tell you all about what I have discovered in the days to come. Whenever I think that I have found the right words to express it, I immediately feel like the words I picked are inadequate.